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50 "Quick Connects" for Couples

Source: Alabama Community Healthy Marriage Initiative


Friends with BenefitsFamily researcher and psychologist, John Gottman, Ph.D. suggests that small emotional connections between partners add up to big time relationship satisfaction. He compares them to making steady deposits in a bank account and watching your savings grow. For those of you who would like some creative inspiration, here are fifty things you can do to quickly connect with your spouse. Pick the ones that work for you. Use them as a starting point to create your own “quick connects.”

  1. Make sure your kisses last at least six seconds. Every now and then go for a full minute.
  2. Feed each other grapes.
  3. Stick a love note in a lunch box, purse or pocket.
  4. Send funny and/or romantic cards by snail mail or e-mail.
  5. Learn how to give a great foot massage.
  6. Wash each other’s hair. Watch the movie Out of Africa for pointers.
  7. Set your alarm for five minutes earlier than usual to cuddle.
  8. Smile at each other.
  9. Get silly with each other and laugh out loud together.
  10. Grab your partner for a spontaneous dance when a favorite song comes on the radio or stereo.
  11. Make eye contact when you talk.
  12. Hold hands.
  13. Leave a wonderful voice mail message on their phone.
  14. Text a love note.
  15. Send a love e-mail every day.
  16. Leave little love notes in unexpected places.
  17. Send a funny photo on your phone.
  18. Ask about each others’ days.
  19. Listen with 100% attention.
  20. Give a one-minute shoulder massage.
  21. Do something unexpected for your spouse.
  22. Snuggle on the couch.
  23. Touch each other with affection.
  24. Notice and comment about something your spouse does that you like.
  25. Say thank you.
  26. Say you’re welcome.
  27. Be interested in what your spouse is doing.
  28. Tell a joke.
  29. Leave a flower.
  30. Offer to help.
  31. Write a poem.
  32. Read a poem to your spouse.
  33. Cook a romantic dinner.
  34. Offer to cook dinner if you aren’t the one who usually cooks.
  35. Burn a CD with favorite songs, or love songs.
  36. Post photos on the refrigerator or bathroom mirror that remind you of wonderful times you’ve shared.
  37. Bring home great take out for just the two of you.
  38. Say “I love you” in a different way every day.
  39. Slow dance to a love song.
  40. Write a love note on the bathroom mirror. PG rated if you have kids!
  41. Offer to take the kids out of the house for awhile and give the other parent some alone time.
  42. Dip a strawberry into whipped cream and feed to your partner.
  43. At night, step outside together for five minutes and look at the stars.
  44. Sing to each other.
  45. Make a care package with his/her favorite snacks and leave it in the car.
  46. Establish a weekly ritual that you faithfully observe. For example, watching a favorite television program, taking a walk after dinner, putting candles on the table.
  47. Give your spouse a little token to wear as a reminder of your love. (Try for creative rather than expensive.)
  48. Kiss your spouse on the back of the neck.
  49. Flirt with each other.
  50. Watch a sunrise or sunset together.

Try this...

  • Make up your own list of things to do to quickly connect with your spouse.
  • Make sure you do at least one thing from your list every day.

More Information: Gottman, J.M. & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Crown Publishers

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